This & That with Myself

My blog move to http://yc226.blogspot.com

And Facebook is enough to keep me busy, byebye friendster~~~

For a new chapter but the same old place.

After almost 2 months in China, also went to Shanghai for the first time (but still didn’t get to look around at all), went back home, went to Indonesia for the first time. I am thinking if I am ready to go back to the Angel city…

I am ready for the winter so I assume I am ready to go back to LA again.

Finally I have motivation to push myself to work on my working visa for the states, check my return ticket, pick up all the undone work in my US office, deal with the single event that was happening and is still happening at this moment, waiting for everything fade away slowly, day by day, little by little, eventually, I will have the strength to start a new chapter in my life again.

Life isn’t easy anymore, I remember, I always feel refresh and ready to start new whenever I cut my hair short, but now, things are getting more complicated, I have less and less time to spend with myself, my friends, and my love one. Feel like life is dragging me and I am dragging my life. Yes and No become so hard to say, there’s always reasons, there’s always excuses.

I took a brave step to think further and look further in this life, maybe it isn’t complicated at all, I just have to treat myself better and stop being an idiot or a toy of others. I have to gain control over myself, I have to be happy again, I have to laugh like that night in Jakarta, stuck in the traffic, singing, and laugh until I burst into tears.

Because life is still very funny, you just need a right moment. But if you close the door, the right moment will never hit you.

So I think I am ready. I miss my car.

First 2 days, spending most of the time working in a foreign country is not very funny.

My first impression is people are very friendly here and the complicated tipping system, at least for me is complicated.

Most people sing really well here, music is everywhere, in a store, restarant, on the street, in the car. People sing along at work, and they sing damn well. Now I know why there are so many bands in Indonesia.

Lots of car and motorbike, bajai and buses. The traffic is bad but drivers are not as crazy as China. Is more like Bangkok, but I haven’ t really get into any terrible jam yet. Air pollution is not as bad as I thought, mostly from cars and motorbike, just like Los Angeles.

Jakarta is very dark at night, those tall financial buildings don’t lite up at night. Most people still own houses, so a large area of the city remain in the dark during the night.

I enjoyed my bike ride a lot, of course not the smell, but motorbike can easily get you anywhere you want to go, and it is my first bike ride ever on big street with so many other bikes and cars passing by you. Being on the bike and remain about 10cm distance from the rest of the transportation was quite an experience.

I took video along my bike ride, and I got lucky, 3 times in a day I have to stop at the railroad, and I was surprise to see 3 very different kind of trains. There’s even a train with only one cart with no door or window. I wouldn’t have enough time to figure out how the train was operated.

Food is extremely good! The fried rice especially. The portion of food is not very much, which is good for tourist because you can have room in your stomach for variety of food. The most attractive food are those small stalls on the street or a small cart that some guy push them around in the neighborhood. Smell so good and very cheap, but I have to save that to my very last day, I don’t want to have any stomach problem during the trip!

If is not because of work, I think I can enjoy a lot more of Jakarta by now, but my trip will start tomorrow. So far, I feel like Jakarta is a great place to live, is not hard to live comfortably here I think, because their culture is very chill, not so much a place for travel yet.

I wish I am wrong.

The differences:

I have meeting a few times a week in LA, spent 80% of the time by myself, my phone rang only a few times a day, spent 30 % of my time in the car, thinking, think a lot.

I have 10 times more meetings to attend in China, meaning 10 times more human contacts, 10 times more conversation, 10 times more chances to argue. I only spent 1% of my time, thinking, 91% of my time, working and sleeping together.

1% of thinking time a day, I think about just a few things, ski or snowboard, going home, and a single event that is happening in my life at the moment.

My mind hasn’t been clearer for the longest time, but is funny that I feel like I don’t know myself very well again. I wonder if the environment really matter? Or the people?

Having some difficulty going through or moving forward lately is completely normal, I know. It is scary if at this point of my life I am still happy go lucky, what will I do when something happen when I am 40 years old?

I would rather go through them now…it is scary, I start thinking about what to do when I am 40 years old.

Maybe environment does matter, China make me see that far, but in LA, I can’t even live through yesterday.

I never know such beautiful place exist in Los Angeles, maybe is because I never appreciate it. And the reason I don’t appreciate it is because I never leave, so I never miss.

The observatory on the top of Griffith Park was an amazing place. You will get a nice night view of Los Angeles, the visible pollution in the air even at night, and some impressive fact about star and science.

And I finally understand, the smile with satisfaction, the good feeling of seeing something meaningful for the very first time everyday, the happiness that should exist and stay, the sky and the star.

Sometimes, we don’t need a telescope to see far enough, because something that seems so far maybe just right there, beside you.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080727/sc_afp/eufishenvironmenttunajapanchina

Think twice when you order sushi next time

When we were really young, hungry was a big deal, we cried for food.

When we were younger, getting the toy we wanted was a big deal, we cried for toys.

When we were young, exam was a big del, we cried when we failed.

When we get older, break up was a big deal, we cried when we got dumped.

When we are old enough, we don’t know what’s the big deal, but we cried, for no reason.

Growing up is truly a painful process, from pain, we learn. It seems like that’s the only way.

If I stop writing one day, I know is because I am numb, from pain, and I know who I should call.

A few years back, the first time I saw Planet Earth trailor on the Discovery Channel, I was amazed. But it didn’t struck me hard enough to remember it for long. Then I went to China, forget about it, got rid of me watching TV habbit…

I am glad, somehow, somewhere, I saw Planet Earth again and I ordered a copy from Amazon.com.

If this is the end of the world, at least I have a copy of how the earth used to look like.

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I bought a few photo albums since I got the lomo camera, going back to the good old days, you won’t know how the pictures will turn out until you develop them.

I took some picture of myself…and I realize, I have not have a picture of myself lay on my hand for the longest time.

I need to develop pictures again, instead of just putting them on the internet…

If this is the end of my world, at least I have a copy of how I used to smile and cry.

The first small step..

I took a deep breath this morning right after I opened my eyes.

It took more efforts than I thought.

Everything seems so vulnerable.

Just one touch, you can destroy the universe.

I wonder who give the power of destruction.

I will never want this power if I have a choice.

If there’s a way to end all these, I will blame no one.

Because I still don’t know, where did I learn?

To hurt and to destroy.