This & That with Myself

今天我穿了一身黑﹐因為是我人生中第一次失業。

Gee, I can’t believe I can be so creepy 不過5:30分過後﹐我就會恢復自由身了!其實我還蠻開心的﹐因為我真的不知道自己能撐多久﹐每天工作十幾個小時，真的很累，虽然心灵上非常的满足，但再这样下去真的会受不了。I worked so much my facial muscle was jerking uncontrollably for a while. I asked my friend who is a physician, he said I definately need to give myself a break because my body is so stress out.

这几天都没时间写部落格，因为有太多事情要做。我离开Lawyers’ Committee 之后，公司里没有一个人会做我的project,所以，我要在很短的时间内教他们和wrap things up，好不容易在我离开前的两个小时，可以小歇片刻。

A day to remember, a complex funeral, I am not sure if I should be happy or sad, but rest in peace, my job as an interpreter

I am going to lose my job in 2 weeks, apparently, my company didn’t keep their promise.

Well, a new issue need to be resolved, just like every other day.

Stop depressing, today, is another sunny day

Can’t imagine SF can get so hot this week, I heard tomorrow will get worse. The super dooper sunny weather really got me, now I am feeling dizzy in my office due to the heat. How can I survive if I go back to Malaysia?! It is only 80 degree, I am so spoiled in Cali.

Nothing much going on today, I had a romantic stroll by myself along the Embarcadero today during lunch time, avoided the crowd at the shoe store who were watching Brazil VS Japan game. I took some pictures around the Ferry Building and pretended I was a tourist.

I still can’t believe this is my 9th month in SF, which mean I am not qualified as a tourist anymore. Time sure flies, and time kills everything along your path of life. I always try to remember those wonderful memories, but I lost some of them along the way or time just murdered them with the invisible weapon.

9 months of memories, how I wish I can remember them all.

爱上酒，是从爱上酒杯开始。

记得小时候我很喜欢透明的高脚玻璃杯，我总觉得他们很脆弱，好像常常生病的我，又或是骄傲的我，从来都不让人触碰。每次和爸妈逛街他们总是一再叮咛我别在人家店里打破东西，虽然，我一直很希望能一口气把柜子上的玻璃杯都打翻。

直到后来才渐渐体会这些透明的不可思议的东西到底有什么功用。第一次喝酒是初中的时候，啤酒加冰，而且酒杯也用错了。当时的我发誓再也不会喝那么难喝的东西，又苦又涩。之后其实还尝试了几次，但是，我还是情愿选择去爱一个人，也不愿多花一些时间去品尝美酒。

真正爱上酒是单身的时候，当我有太多个无所事事的周末和认识了一班爱酒的朋友。来了美国可以说是我第二次真正尝试喝酒。虽然也是啤酒，但是感觉和第一次差好远。可能是开始会吃苦了，又或者是上了年纪的关系，味觉也不如以前挑剔。在大学的那一段日子是"烂喝", bar, club, pub, house party, house warming, 总之有酒又热闹的地方就会有我们。什么酒都好，我也懒得去记他们的名字。每次喝，一定要喝醉。

我爱酒，但爱得很不成熟。

来旧金山流浪之后，因为要小心开支，我以为我会慢慢忘记对酒精的感觉。可是如果你住在旧金山，要远离酒的诱惑真的很难，除非你对酒精敏感。这里是世界有名的Wine出产地，也是因为搬到这里，我才开始对wine有兴趣。也是因为喜欢上白酒，我才体会到很多事，很多人，像酒，要一段时间去酝酿。像旧金山，越久，越有味道。

喝酒，要懂得享受，不能太冲动，也不能太随便。要喝的刚好能让你松懈下来，那个感觉是最好的。单身的日子，享受的时间比较多，所以，喝酒的时间也多了起来。我觉得，单身越久，对酒的了解也会越深，因为酒就像人那样，要attention，要被了解。单身和酒可以互存，不是因为孤独，而是单身的时候，你对自己的感觉比较敏感和自私。

喝酒是享受，也是提醒我，单身，很快乐。

現在的歌曲, 真的很值得一提.

常常有人說, 這首歌說中他的心事, 那首個是他的故事.

很久以前, 我也有那樣的感覺. 很多時候都會想起那些, 讓我流過淚的歌曲.

旋律, 文字, 觸人的聲音.

我說, 那是很久以前的事.

現在的歌曲, 平平無奇, 商業的有點不像話.

你不知道, 很多歌曲不是說中了你的心事, 而是你的心事被商業化了!

明白嗎?

金錢掛帥的社會, 連文化也能變成銀啊, 金啊!

記得那些拼命洗牛仔褲的日子嗎? 一心祇想洗掉華麗, 洗掉主流,

晾干以後, 會心的笑是因為不同了.

現在呢?

走到那裡都能看見已經洗好退色的牛仔褲, 整齊的掛在櫥窗裡.

很安靜的享受空調和眼光.

流行音樂由始至終都是一場戲劇性的文化響宴,

誰製造了這麼一個潮流? 一個讓人忘了思考的潮流?

你嗎? 我嗎? 他嗎?

這是現實, 現實製造了一切, 也給了我們一切.

什麼是現實? 現實就是很多人認同的事, 很多人再做的事

還有, 很多人在聽的歌.

現實, 不過是停止思考, 麻木盲從而已.

但很諷刺的是, 當你看到主流和非主流慢慢的流成一條

巨大無比的河流.

你知道, 你沒有選擇, 即使你看清了.

像我.

記得中學時期寫過一首歌, 歌名是 “我羨慕瘋子”. 雖然我沒有保留任何有關這首歌的東西, 但歌詞, 旋律, 都已經印在我的腦海裡. 因為這是我寫過這麼多首歌曲以來, 最滿意的作品. 也是我第一次和Progressive Rock有接觸, 雖然那個時候, 我完全不知道Pro Rock是怎麼一回事.

那個時候, 我也不會彈吉他.

當時, 我有一個概念, 就是要寫一系列有關瘋子的歌曲. 但因為沒有想過要把寫歌當飯吃, 所以一直沒有實現這個小小的心願. 中學時期總是比較自我一些, 對於那些想要把我的作品商業化的管道, 我一點興趣也沒有. 真是自以為是

不過還好這個心願一直都沒有實現, 不然就涉及抄襲了. 因為30年前,PINK FLOYD已經有這個概念, 而且還做了這張近乎完美的專輯 – Dark Side of the Moon. 整張專輯的概念就是瘋子, 歌曲當中還穿插了瘋子間的對話, 非常有趣, 也很有意思. 當然, 專輯的連貫性很好, 仔細聽, 就猶如平時的我在做research paper那樣. 一邊做, 一邊想象瘋子的生活. 從神經, 到腦, 到生理, 到心理, 到底這些人出了什麼狀況?

他們快樂嗎?

無論如何, 去聽聽這張專輯, 好好感受那股不同的氣息. 然後….

I will see you at the dark side of the moon.

记得上宗教课时学到”Enlightenment” 一詞. 從字面上看來, 這似乎是一個很美好的境界, 但從另一個角度來看, 那是一條深不可測, 模不著看不到的旅程. 也許感受是一個途徑; 一個人要是感官良好, 沒有被什麼市面上的事物影響就能好好利用每一寸的神經去看這個世界. 當你有那種出淤泥而不然的感覺, 也許, 我是說, 也許, 你也會被什麼啟發而突然覺悟了.

一年半前, 當我對中文樂壇極度厭惡之後, 我開始努力尋找另一條音樂之路. 就在我近乎絕望而想完全放棄聽音樂的權力時, 我遇上了他, 還有, 一張屬於他的專輯—The Wall. 專輯的封面很有特色, 是我從沒見過的. 全白的背景, 細線組成的牆, 一個陌生的名字, 富有生氣的攤在牆面上, 似乎, 他們費勁精力從牆的另一邊爬過來, 正享受著喜悅.

那堵牆, 是一個概念, 也是貫穿整個專輯的中心.

當然, 還有Pink Floyd.

也許一切是註定的吧! 在我把CD放進我那部爛電腦的CD ROOM 裡之後, 我得救了! 我愛上了Pink Floyd, 也愛上了Progressive Rock. 我像是初次呼吸般, 享受著氧氣給予生命的那份喜悅. 我知道, 很多年前, 有人在做音樂, 真正有如一股清流般, 讓你重生的作品. 當然, 那時很久以前的事了.

之所以這樣, 下來的一年半, 我都活在很久以前的日子. 多久? 二, 三十年前吧!

最近一直在下雨, 已經下了三天, 但雨, 不是很久以前的.

我聽著The Wall, 那把聲音….

Hello hello hello….
Is there anybody in there….
Just nod if you can hear me…
Is there anyone home?

“Yes”, 這裡還有人, 在聽, 在等, 70年代的重身

- Yes, I still love Pink Floyd like crazy. So, it has been 5 years since I first heard about them. Even though I knew them kind of late, but it is a blessing and the most wonderful thing that ever happen to me.

You are in a real world, talk like a real person.

My weekend usually started on Friday night, and Friday night is always the best night of the week. First, you don’t have to worry about getting up late on Saturday and when you wake up, you still have Sunday, therefore, you don’t feel like you waste a day just because you are "wasted".

So that’s what I did this weekend. I felt simply fantastic to hop on the cable car on Friday, standing at the edge of the cable car, enjoying the great view and the best weather on earth. I would be happy enough if my weekend just ended there actually, but I was glad it didn’t So we got off from the cable car and headed to the Tonga Room. The Tonga Room had the most famous Mai Tais in town (FYI, Mai Tais’ birth place is the beautiful San Francisco), The Tonga room has a mixture of Asian, African and South Pacific style, very unique indeed. 

After having a great time with my co-workers, I took off with Oriana and headed to my next destination- Berkeley. I have never been to Berkeley during the day time, and besides the campus, I have no idea what else is interesting over there. But the town is surprisingly interesting, I just like the feel of it, very laid back and clean. A lot like the downtown in Lawrence but more happening, I would say. And of course, as he promised, I had one the the best pasta that night!

On Saturday, I went to the North Beach Festival, hoping that I could carry my magarita wherever I walked around the neighbourhood. Big dissapointment… they only allowed alcohol consumed at a small area. And the draw, USA vs Italy, didn’t make the crowd felt any excitment! (North Beach is a huge Italian community in SF)

At night, I crush overed at a friend house and finally watched the Clockwork Orange and I was so surprise the director was Stanley Kubrick, the same director for The Shinning, and some other movies that I have watched and love them all!

On Sunday, I went to the Fort Mason for the first time. The weather was still great, unfortunately, I didn’t have the right shoes to jog or run. Fort Mason is a gorgeous spot to relax and enjoy the green side of the city. It has a small beach and a big field for all sort of sports. And after the walked, I headed to my favorite shopping mall on earth, haha, the Great Mall in San Jose. We also received a phonecall from 1000123456, ah, Yoke Wee, I didn’t know people use funny phone number in Italy

I think it has been a while since I went down there, I was surprised by the change of view. My roommate and I nearly thought we were at Neveda instead of San Jose! Ah, I am glad that the summer can’t do the same damage to San Francisco, I really missed the green mountains and the unknown yellow flowers along the highway during Spring time.

Spring will come again, so do my weekend

First of all, I just realize I totally missed the small earthquake yesterday morning at 5:30am! Ok, I am not an enthusiast about earthquake, but I just always wanted to feel a small tiny shake. Ever since I moved to my new apartment, I slept so well at night, I guess, that’s why I coudlnt’ feel the shake and that’s absolutely a good sign!

Besides the continuos anger towards Muni system (San Francisco "bus" service), I actually have a great day today! I went lunch with my co-workers and watched Mexico VS Angola game live. The first live world cup game that I watched so far. I have to say, whoever the keeper from Angola is, he is simply awesome and I can’t believe he is unattached! Gee…Anyway, a starving but fantanstic 2 hrs lunch time for me. It was really nice to watch the game with all these people from Mexico, the atmosphere was great and I got a chance to learn some bad words in Espanol Of course, some good chanting words too

I can’t believe I start my happy hours so early, 2 beers for my lunch and 1 more hr I will be heading to the Tonga room, a fancy club at Fairmont Hotel.

A 5 days fasting from my source of life (you know what is it :P), I am ready for a drunken weekend!