Today, across the pacific ocean, there’s love all around at the other continent.
People who are so brave to parade their love in front of the world, should be greatly admired.
One shall not destroy this parade, walk away quietly with your own soul and go on with the silence in your heart.
Today our heart beat stop
And the silence goes on and on
I have this conversation with my almost 40 yrs old coworker who still need my babysitting once in a while.
He said he think I should get a bf in China, then one in LA, and one more in Malaysia, also one potential European and bay area bf. Basically just do whatever a married businessman will do. People do this for a reason and there are tons of people doing it for a reason, different reason but still reason. And he think the reason for me to do it is because I have high potential being one of those never married people and also I need "men" to keep me busy from thinking too much about settlement! (my last blog)
I laughed and asked him then the only time I will be single, is on an airplane!
I am not santa clause, I don’t have so much love to spare just to make myself feel more adapt to different environment. And I do believe there’s a limitation for my heart to hold my tears and heartache everytime I wave good bye to my love one again and again and again. Yes, I have to love the person in order to be with him. Grrrr…I am not one of those typical businessman!
But he cheered me up for the rest of my day seriously, stupid nonsense for the whole evening is a good get a away from all my nonsense thoughts.
And thanks for all the concerns my friends, I can’t reply them coz I am in China, can’t even open my own blog. Good thing I can still write it cause I have so much in my mind I need to write it out somewhere before my head explode!
It is weird to see half of your life is on the other side of the earth.
Now, I am getting sleepy and yawning in front of the computer while watching the Cali people waking up through my msn messenger. I am thinking when will I seeing myself from this side of the earth? Ah, probably, in heaven!
So about travelling and working… there’s something hard to adjust besides the jeg lag. I think I am in a very special position to make such opinion because I literally spend half of the year in each side of the earth.
I am not exactly familiar with the both sides of the city I am leaving in. I still need to google the map wherever I go in LA; I have no idea where am I most of the time in ShenZhen; I don’t know when the city start building these bridges in front of my house in JB.
I was driving everywhere myself in LA and suddenly someone is driving me everywhere in SZ. I was cooking, doing laundry, running errands myself in LA and then after a 15 hrs flight, I have someone take care of all these stuff for me. I am always expecting weekend to come in LA but now I am hoping I can work even on a Sunday.
Is the feeling that you are not exactly belong to anywhere that is hard to adjust. And I do not know this kind of feeling is important until I actually experience it. The drastic change in your life style make you can’t even develop a routine, you even have to act like different people because you have to.
I don’t know if this kind of adjustment become difficult due to my flexible personailty. I can adapt easily but at the same time I feel like losing myself.
They promised me to let me stayed "westernize" but now they are breaking their promise. Will I end up like one of those people who try to live in two extreme cultures and try all their life finding balance in between?
No. I will never let this side of me seeing the other side of me waking up.
After so many years, I finally smell the familiar scent of my old self.
Hell ya, I am back to China in one piece after all these insance trips. As usual, after I landed the first place I visited was the massage center. My back was totally mess up due to travel, I will have more massage session coming up to make me feel better.
I was in SF for a 3 days before I left. Good time with old friends and there’s something magical happen for this trip that implement new energy and memories to my beloved city.
I wonder, when will I move up north again? When can I move to a new city and start things over? I just realize, I love the cold so much, and the fog. Riding on Bart on a foggy morning is like riding to heaven. I love walking, the beautiful scenery, the glimpse of Bay Bridge in between blocks, the bay windows, the houses, those dive bars…
Everything is so alive again for one reason, and for that reason, I am crazily in love with SF again.
