This & That with Myself

I remember the first time I put on my ski boots, I was cursing all the way. It took me almost 10 minutes to put in those stupid heavy bulky boots. Walking in those boots feel like shit, every step I felt like I was going to fall.

Walking in ski boots, carrying my ski and poles, 2 months ago, it was like hell to me. I told my friends, walking in these boots to the ticket counter was my triple black diamond!

Now it has become a routine, putting them on is as easy as putting my highheels on. Walking in them is like walking on the cloud, so light, because they make my heart and my head so light I can’t even feel the weight in them anymore.

Going down the slope, is still unpredictable. Sometimes hard, sometimes easy, but everytime, I know I take control, I know when I fall is because I am not good enough or I make mistake; I know when I make a good run is because I put in effort to improve, I know, is just because of me, every move, every turn, is only depends on myself. There’s no one the blame when I have a shitty run, there’s no one to praise but myself when I complete the run the way I wanted.

Is the close contact with one soul that nobody can take over but myself. Is the great feeling of relief in speed.

Of course, ski open another window for me. Hard to imagine I hated any sport so much for 20 years of my life. But I am ready to catch up no matter what, because I am loving it!

I am so proud of myself, not that I am trying to be a race champion in skiing or trying to go fast, but at least, I found one of the best passion in life.

I promise myself I have to lie on the land of Europe before 25 years old when I was 20. Oh well, I came a bit later but is ok, at least I don’t pay a penny for the whole trip is truly a bargain.

I am also glad that I didnt promise myself anything in details because you really can’t explore much on a busness trip, also with running nose and flu, with a foot in pain.

But still, it is just simply amazing to be out of the United States as usual. Different food, people, buildings, fresh air, living style, shops, you name it. It is absoltely fantastic I don’t have to drive, don’t have to look at the computer all day, don’t have to pick up any phone calls… but attending exhibition is seriously a pain in the ass, it is so tiring that my mind is always blank when is all over.

Some good news for the beloved American though, the government of the United States is working very hard to push their commercial sells and international trading, and your tax money goes to the glass of beer I drank at the other side of the world. Still, better buy me a drink than going to war right?

I am in Hannover, Germany. The winter here is absoltely depressing and freezing. This town reminds me a lot about Lawrence, Kansas. Quiet, neat, friendly people and full of nice little coffee shops here and there. The public transportation is actually too convenient for a small town like this, is like putting New York City public transportation to Lawrence, but I think is necessary because of the long winter. Someone can literally die every winter just by walking around town too much I guess.

I spent 1 hour to finish up most of the sightseeing spot in Hannover. I had a very nice dinner at the old town which buildt in 15 century. But German people don’t really recommend their own cuisine, and there’re Italian, Asian restaurants everywhere. So all I tried out was the bratwurs nad beer, beer, beer!

The beer is about the same price as mineral water and some beer even cheaper than soda. For American, cola is water, for German, beer definately is their daily drink. But German beers knocked me out easily for some reason, or maybe I am just too exhausted.

I am lucky enough to visit Berlin on my last day in Germany. Fantastic city with the most unique buildings on earth! I have no words to describe Berlin because it is far from what words can tell how unique and awesome the city is! It is more about the feeling of being there, being there feeling great!

Berlin doesn’t give you the WW2 feeling anynmore, the city is all hype and ready for the new era, the Berlin wall already blended very well into the city and doesn’t seem to be something significant anymore. How strange…

One thing in Germany realy amazed me is the ice-cream and dessert. The ice-cream there made me feel like I have never eaten any ice-cream my entire life! And it is funny that no matter how simple a restuarant’s menu can be, they always have color, highresolution pictures on their dessert menu! All the desserts also come in GOOD SIZE that can fill you up easily, GOOD DEAL! I especially like they shredded the ice-cream into spaghetti, that give the ice-cream even smoother texture.

Despite the downsize of US economy, I don’t feel like Germany is too expensive, you can spend as little as 3 Euro a day on food and water if you really want to save up.

Germany open the door for me to Europe, I hope more trips to come or even opportunity for living there will come to me soon!

昨天友人给我玩了一个心理测验，让我有种回到初中的感觉，心理测验，星座血型，还有很多年少轻狂的大道理。

上一次做心理测验已经是很久以前的事了，这个测验测出我是个胆小怕事却又勇敢终于自己目标的劳碌命！很矛盾的结果所以很准确，很真实。谁不矛盾？矛盾的是人生一大哲理，我们这些凡人是逃脱不了的。

就如你说的，为什么有人一辈子追寻的是当一个大少奶奶，什么都不必再烦恼，可是现在有这个机会摆在你眼前你却逃得远远的？

一个人的命运有多强，能走多远，爬多高都取决于你的视野能看多远。你看得越多，对自己了解越深，就能要的更多。This is a privillage,因为不是每个人都那么幸运，有这些机会。

当然，这并不代表往前走的日子会比你做少奶奶的日子来的好过，往前走是冒险，做少奶奶也是冒险，我觉得不管选择什么，我们都不能预知未来会发生的事情，但是决定还是要做的，不然我们只能原地踏步，每天重复过着一样的日子。

每一个人如何过他们的日子，如何做他们的选择都是无可比较的，所以做一个对你自己好的决定，过一个你喜欢的日子，因为只有你可以掌握自己。

所以，如果你看到了比当少奶奶更远的东西，就不要后悔了，往前走吧！

Almost 10 years ago, I read this book by Murakimi . 10 years later, I finally understand why people say a good book is worth reading 3 times at different period of your life. I think 10 years is a big enough gap for me to reread this book, in English version.

When you are a junior high student, you really do not have much saving to buy yourself a book, thank god I born at the beginning of the “E” era, I got to read the entire novel free through the internet. Sitting here typing this, I can still see myself sat in front of the computer in the middle of the night, in my grandmother’s room, quietly scrolled down the website, as gentle as I could, killed any stopped over mosquito with my fingers, I pretty much pinch them to dead instead of slam them, of course the strength was not enough to kill all of them and I would have all these rash on my skin the next day, but I have to be quiet, I was so afraid to wake my parents up.

10 years later, I remember him, Naoko, and her boyfriend who killed himself in a car, oh also Naoko killed herself. That’s all I can remember because that’s all I care. I said, 10 years ago.

What I like about Murakimi is he always has these dark side characters and these positive characters, surrounded a very neutral main character. So when we see thing from the main guy’s eyes, we make our own judgment instead of his perception of his world. Also, there are many things that I like about this author, not so much about his later works though.

I found myself completely stunted after finished up the book a few minutes ago. I was in shock that I couldn’t calm myself down and jumped into the shower room right away. Here am I, in Hannover, Germany, cold as hell. Without a hot shower I can’t go to bed, but tonight, without this hot shower, I probably can’t sleep.

I have no memory or whatsoever about all these “bright side” characters in the book. Of course, “bright side” in my own definition and how I understand the novel base on my own opinion. I guess, 10 years ago, I was so Naoko that I refused to see even the bright side of a novel and take it as the end of the world. But I was even more surprise to find so many similarity between me and Midori today. We even say the same thing; try to convince others, to convince ourselves in the same way.

I have to borrow a line from the song Mad World; I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad…